Soul Singer In Sight Shock

Three days ago at a press conference to launch his latest album, Soul singer Stevie Wonder shocked the assembled journalists by admitting his apparent blindness had been nothing more than a publicity stunt.

A bystander had this to say.

"He just walked in...unaided, took his glasses off and proceeded to draw a picture of a house on the whiteboard. People around me were gasping in shock. I even heard one fellow shout derisively."

After finishing his accurate drawing Mr Wonder sat down and started the press conference with a comedic faux-blind fumble for his glasses.

"I can't believe you suckers fell for it!" He shouted whilst raising his middle finger in an offensive gesture.

Mr Wonder has covered many famous songs for his new album including first single and title track. "I Can See Clearly Now (And Have Done For Many Years)."

It is released on the 6th June on Universal Records.

Horlicks: A Bit Too Relaxing?

Glaxo Smith Kleine, multi national conglomerate has found itself in a spot of hot water recently over the ingredients of it's new brand of Horlicks aimed specifically at women. Imaginatively named, Women's Horlicks was found to contain massive doses of the date rape drug Rohipnol. A spokes person from the company issued this statement.

"I don't see what the fuss is about. Rohypnol (in the right hands) can be a useful method for relaxing after a stressful day of shopping. Scientific studies also show that it could have links to weight loss, as the drinker often relaxes beyond the point of caring about making the dinner."

Jeremy Irons Ironically Lacks Iron

Famed actor and grey haired Lothario Jeremy Irons was admitted to hospital earlier today due to a lack of iron in his blood.

Apparently the irony of this event was lost on Mr Irons who proceeded to urinate on waiting paparazzi.

Twits Twitter Witter Used in Trial

Derek Newcombe, arrested for aggravated rape and having sex with a minor has seen his Twitter update used against him during the trial. Mr Newcombe denies all charges even though his own Twitter update implies he committed the acts.

"Derek Newcombe is currently raping a minor" was used by the prosecuting lawyer as evidence that Mr Newcombe had clearly raped the victim.

The Trial is ongoing.